Name Marcia Kirton-Ceasar
Age: 52 [note: originally posted in 2014]
Profession: Management Consultant/
Real Estate/IT Project Management
Status: Newlywed
Wedding Anniversary: December 7, 2012
Relocated from Brooklyn, New York to Virginia
In 2010 I moved to Virginia from Brooklyn, NY, sight unseen. I didn't know anyone except the person who referred me to the job I was seeking.
What's your profession?
I worked in IT Project Management for most of my professional career. Three years before my move, I became a Real Estate Agent, however, because of the real estate bust, I returned to IT. And most recently I started taking my passion for photography seriously.
At first I had no clue why I moved. One of the Elders at my Church said I was 'positioning myself' for something big in my life. Prior to my move, I didn't enjoy my job, and I was sick and tired of broken relationships; I needed to break patterns. Besides my family, one of the hardest things to let go of were my books.
See, I never had a dream of a career. I was fearful that I would live my life alone, no children, no husband.
I had suffered miscarriages, a wound that never quite heals, and had relationships that weren't the best fit for me. I had to do the work of forgiving myself. Moving at the time felt right.
“He is my soulmate; yet, it is not easy.”
He knew I was his wife after a 5-hour conversation, our first. My husband is deeply spiritual. He'd had a vision of me before ever seeing or speaking to me.
My husband is from England, but grew up in my home country, St. Vincent. In 2011, we met through his sister via telephone. He lived in the English countryside, and wouldn't have moved to New York. Virginia suited him. It reminded him of home.
I would not have chosen him, he’s eccentric, and we have cultural differences.
He is my soulmate; yet, it is not easy. I didn't have anything to lose, so I showed up as myself.
For months before our marriage, I held on to friendships with my exes. This changed after hours of arguments and conversations. I wish I had severed those relationships years ago. I severed ties with people who I considered best friends for over 20 years. Though treasured, those old relationships were clutter I needed to let go of.
My husband, then fiancee, helped me evaluate whether these previous relationships were serving me or not. He helped me see that those relationships couldn't have been that great if we weren't still together! Listen, we all want that security cushion. It was an ego puffer, affirmation I that I was still wanted. They filled the empty space that was left after the relationships ended. There, but not there.
The men have honored my decision and it's been working for my relationship. I feel that I have given myself to my husband 100 percent. I don’t lament the past at all.
What are the other ways marriage has affected you?
He helped me relax my control issues. I've been controlling my entire life. In the beginning I didn't see how controlling I was. This revelation came a few months after marriage because I was busy maintaining who I was.
He too is controlling and he mirrored my controlling characteristics. It let me see I didn't want to be that way. Now I monitor myself. I got to see that I needed to change. I'm better, not perfect, but I'm working at it.
There is nothing about this man I find to nit pic at. That revelation came with time and working on letting go of some my ways.
My Photography
Haven’t done too much this year-- new job and marriage-- haven’t made it a business, yet.
I always loved taking photos as a kid. I dismissed the idea of being a photographer for years but now I've picked it back up again
What quote, saying or scripture inspires you?
Psalms 139: "...I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and the one I live by, Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."
What are your rituals?
Walking is my ritual. I'm not a person that enjoys the gym but I love to walk in nature; we do it together now. I also enjoy driving in total silence by myself. I use that opportunity as my alone time. Interestingly the bathroom has become a sanctuary. It's often where I do my devotion. Even when I'm at work, I'll slip into the bathroom for quiet time. Sacred space is anywhere you find it.
What is life like for you now at this stage/age?
All my life I've never felt a particular age. When I was 20 I thought 50 was old. Now everyone I know is 50! I want my body to match how I feel. Within the last two years, I’m beginning to feel my age. I don’t feel as fit, etc. I am still working on my health. My mind doesn't feel ‘50’, so my body shouldn't feel ‘50’ either!
The way I ate when I was single is very different from the way I eat now. I was more of a fish and vegetable person. My husband eats a lot of meat, and, because I cook, I do too. Now I feel that I'm eating more hormones, which is causing the changes in my body, it's an adjustment.
I still feel so much is ahead of me; so much more is left undone.
I don’t yet feel as though I've nailed my true purpose, yet!
What would you say to your 22 year old self?*
No one is living this life but you. Do what you want. Don't be selfish, but be self-centered, in the best, healthiest way. Forget what society says, do what makes you happy.
Marcia can be reached below: